Being "Chinese"

I don't ever tell Chinese people I'm from the US. I always say Chongqing, where I was born. Even when I went to get my glasses fixed and was forced to answer (the size of my screws were much smaller than those on Chinese glasses), I just said "abroad." I somehow feel like native Chinese people treat Chinese and Chinese-Americans differently. Maybe it's the assumption that Americans must be arrogant and rich that makes me uncomfortable. Or the fact that it's easier to strike up a conversation as a fellow Chinese. Or because I still see myself as Chinese, despite having grown up in the states.

Most of the time, I can get away with being a "southerner," although sometimes the way I dress gives me away. When I do successfully feign Chinese, I find myself facing an entirely new set of challenges - I am expected to converse with the vocabulary and fluidity of a native Chinese. Sadly, sometimes my language ability raises questions. Over and over, I've been greeted with the skeptical "where are you really from?" glances. (Thankfully, people thus far have been too polite to actually ask.) All the while, I see my American friends constantly praised for their linguistic prowess. To be honest, it's frustrating. As much as I improve, I'm still not good enough, at least not until I truly become a native-level speaker. And there's a long way to go...